Growing through Self-Reflection and Lessons Learned

It’s needless to say that the last few weeks have presented us all with a number of challenges and have forced us to develop new levels of resiliency. I find the best approach to making the most of the current situation and the best use of my time is to be productive with my day, reflect and learn new skills. I’ve done some reflection on my career journey over the last few years and wanted to share some lessons learned and pieces of advice that may be useful to others. Focusing much of my attention and energy on my own personal and professional growth while building a strong sense of self awareness has given me the ability to make wiser choices and live a life that’s more meaningful and purposeful.

The last few years consisted of a career transition from Finance to Human Resources while completing my MBA part time. I had been working in Finance functions for a handful of years since graduating college, climbing the ladder and essentially checking the boxes off. On paper, I had a great career trajectory and was fortunate to have worked for large Financial Services firms with plenty of opportunity. What was missing though was feeling connection and passion for the work I was doing, which was a roadblock for me reaching my full potential. Thankfully, while working at a previous firm, I participated in multiple employee engagement initiatives, corporate social responsibility and an organization that partnered with a local university. These experiences made me realize a passion for wanting my work to be focused on the people of an organization. Reflecting on how I felt working on engagement and employee development initiatives made a light bulb go off and I knew this required some exploration. I felt compelled to use my voice for good, or at least what I felt mattered. Starting the MBA program at Rutgers and through reflecting on my involvement on affiliations gave me the confidence to take action to pursue this career switch.

I came up with a list of takeaways based on lessons learned along the way. I understand more fully now that when you’re in the right fit, you are able to do your best work.

1. Is the ladder leaning against the right building? It would be ideal to be in a position where you feel motivated and empowered to work towards senior positions within your organization. If you find yourself demotivated or not interested in moving up because of fear or a lack of relatability to those leaders, that’s a sign! As you navigate through your career, and really throughout your life, it’s extremely important to reflect often and ask yourself if the ladder is leaning against the right building as you are climbing the climb of your life. If not, you can make choices to climb down (or across) and up another building.

2. We’ve all heard about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people, but let’s take it a step further. Surrounding yourself with people that inspire you, who share your ideas, are living their lives in a way you admire, see potential in you and push you to do your best are key ingredients to your success. There are people that will give you oxygen as you climb up the mountain of life, and some that won’t – the sooner you identify this the better.

3. Set your own path - it’s easy to get caught up in the pressures of society and family to make choices based on what is expected of us. Living a life that isn’t true to you, making choices to be in compliance with what your parents’ dreams for you are or what you’ve been trained to think will not really lead you to your own destiny. It’s okay to swerve from traditions, do things on your own timeline and in your own way. This does take a bit of unlearning of what you think is considered the norm or what you should be doing. When you get clarity on what your intuition is telling you, and what you really want – all of the norms become irrelevant.

4. Squeeze the juice out of the lemons life gives you! Exhaust all opportunities where you are right now - if you have a chance to work on a passion project or if you see opportunities to explore and become involved in organizations or hobbies you have even the slightest interest in, I encourage you to do so – you never know what you may discover about yourself and what doors they may open down the road. If it’s something that lights you up, that’s your sign to pursue it! Recognize when life hands you lemons, and take advantage by squeezing as much juice out of them as you can - this will surely bring you valuable experiences.

5. Determine what’s the next thing you need to do - focus on the next thing you need to do, rather than the multiple steps that need to take place in order to achieve the goal. While it’s important to keep the ultimate goal in mind, it is even more important not to overwhelm yourself with the amount of work it will take to get there and the obstacles you are bound to face. Instead of giving up before you’ve even tried, remember one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

6. You have the right to change your mind – yes it is okay to make a career change, pivot or transition to something that may seem daunting or outside of the box. There are no real rules when it comes to following your heart.

7. Train your brain to think idealistically, instead of realistically – What most people don’t realize is how thinking “realistically” is in essence limiting yourself because ultimately we create our own realities. If you already set limitations in your mind before trying to pursue something (i.e. a career switch, starting your own business, moving to a new city) you will likely make choices in line with those boxed in ways of thinking. The trick is to be courageous enough to think what your ideal situation looks like without being confined to what you feel is realistic. Being a visionary and pioneer means following the life you know is possible, because as Oprah once said, “You don’t get what you wish for. You don’t get what you hope for. You get what you believe.”

8. Be aware of the big comfy couch syndrome – Someone once said to me staying at a company for a long period of time is similar to sitting on a big comfy couch – the longer you stay, the more difficult it is for you to get up because of the comfort it provides. This can affect the way you see your career trajectory and give you a false sense of security that blocks you from being open to and exploring other industries and companies. Expanding your portfolio of experiences and insights will help enhance your own development and your contributions as a leader.

9. Focus on you, not your competition. We live in a culture where it’s the norm to compare ourselves to others. Social media makes it easy to become jealous or envious of the virtual reality of someone’s life presented to us through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. It’s human nature to feel jealous of others going on trips, getting married, graduating from college or grad school, and somehow living a life that seems to be better than the life you’re living. The truth is someone else’s life is really not your concern. Focusing your energy on running your own race and doing what makes you feel good about yourself is the way to reach your ultimate destiny and live the life that was meant for you. Instead of wasting any energy looking behind you to see how far away your competition is, focus on looking ahead towards your finish line. There’s an action shot of Michael Phelps in the 2016 Summer Olympics during a 200-meter butterfly final with one competitor next to him, South Africa’s Chad le Clos. In the photo, Le Clos and Phelps are neck and neck, but there is a very distinct difference between each of their reactions. Phelps is looking straight ahead, working hard to reach the finish line and staying focused on his own strengths and abilities without getting distracted by his competition. Le Clos on the other hand has his head turned to the left to get a glimpse of how he’s doing in comparison to his ultimate competitor. Phelps ended up winning that race. This visual could not be a better example of how important it is to be mindful of how you use your energy. The amount of energy it takes you to turn your head and look back or across at your competition is only taking your energy away from you reaching your goals. Keep working hard and focusing on building yourself up, and the competition won’t even matter.

10. Be yourself. I’ve learned over the years through various experiences that whenever I had the courage to show up as myself, that’s when I experienced the most success and connection. When I overthink or try to fit myself into a mold, I focus more energy on what I think I should be doing. This only distracts me and brings about misguided intentions. When I let those guards down and speak from my heart, that’s when I make genuine connections. It sends the message that being myself is enough.

The silver lining through this devastating pandemic is that it has forced us all to pause, take a moment and reflect. Living in survival mode day in and day out for long periods of time often leads to burn out and stress and makes it more challenging to be present. When you take a moment to reflect, you give a chance for those light bulbs to go off!

Remember, the only limit to your success is your own imagination.